Stressors surround me on all sides.
Threatening to take me out.
Sometimes they all line up just right to be a perfect storm, and I could sense a storm was approaching.
I wonder, is my body trying to tell me something?
I know it’s starting to get bad when my mind becomes busy, not with the life in front of me, but with unpleasant thoughts and images of the past or anxieties about a bleak future.
In building my own W.R.A.P.1 , I’ve come to recognize this as things are starting to break down.
I go from walking in peaceful meadows by still waters in my mind, to being assaulted with thoughts of doubt, pain, and regret.
I know better than to entertain them.
Instead of playing host to thoughts that have the potential to bury me, I choose to be hospitable to what is hurting inside me.
I have presence of mind enough to think, “duck and cover”.
I retreat to my bed to rest my mind and body.
I don’t yet know how long I’ll stay there.
Instead of playing host to thoughts that have the potential to bury me, I choose to be hospitable to what is hurting inside me.
A conversation with one of my supporters,
them: “How are you feeling?”
me: silence. I don’t know how to answer.
them: “I didn’t know you were going to crash.”
me: in my head I think ‘yeah, me neither’ and I may have mumbled something.
[Please see me as more than Bipolar]
them: “Would you like some food?”
me: “I’m not hungry yet.”
them: “Can I run you a bath?”
me: “Maybe later.”
[Thank you for treating me like a human being who is in pain and needs some extra support.]
In love and acceptance, I find permission to make choices for my wellness.
I choose to turn toward myself in kindness, and ask what I need.
I choose to eat.
I choose to sleep.
I choose to drink water.
I choose to turn toward myself in kindness, and ask what I need.
I choose to stop, to cease all activity.
This is one of the hardest things to do.
It never feels like it’s ok to stop, to rest.
But I’d rather choose to stop, than ignore the signs until I am forced to stop.
I choose to sink down into something bigger and greater than me.
The one who stays the same when I can’t stay the same.
I choose the weapon of rest when an army rises against me.
This is an act of war and an act of love.
From my bed, I ask for water, I ask for food.
From my bed, I eat and drink.
From my bed I reach out to text my supporters to let them know where I am.
From my bed I receive hugs and “I love you’s”.
Just because I duck and cover, doesn’t mean I have to hide.
As I rest, I like to listen to music that is calming.
I hope you enjoy this new to me song.
Kind by Ben Potter
W.R.A.P. stands for Wellness Recovery Action Plan. You can find out more here https://www.wellnessrecoveryactionplan.com/. And here is a link to the workbook I am using to build my W.R.A.P. https://www.wellnessrecoveryactionplan.com/product/wrap-workbook/. W.R.A.P. is for anyone.
I needed to read this and I needed the reminder. I’ve been struggling but keep making the noise worse since I feel like I’m failing because it’s getting hard to swim. I’m going to work on a WRAP. Thanks for including the link.
"My best friend and Savior, Jesus. He is inviting me to more, to more than just ok. He is inviting me to more life with him, to truly LIVE from that place of abiding in him."
Love you from afar Amy!!!